I feel like I have so much to say and so little idea how to relay it all to you.
this week has been... it's been good. it's been good. but it has easily been one of the hardest of my whole mission. I.. i've been able to reflect a lot and have had to do a bunch of introspection and really evaluate some things, and I feel.. I feel so grateful. I feel so full. I feel so at a loss of words but i remail wholly entirely completely 100% grateful to be a missionary. that remains very clear and very true. but just because i love it doesn't mean it's not hard! ha ha. ah, but seriously.
|Hermanas Ortez & Christensen|
|us after the sesh. that's hna garcia, hna collina and jeneanne lock. :)|
i'm a mess. haha so teary! but! i feel so happy. i really do. we have so much work to do, but i am excited. and i knew that i couldnt' stay in la mesa. i mean, i'd hoped i would, but it would've been to easy, too comfortable. so i know this is right. i know it's an opportunity to grow and learn and serve and REALLY remember why i'm here--which is to invite others to come unto christ by making and keeping covenants! it's so clear and it's so simple and the time is SO SCARCE. so i will go to. i will serve wholeheartedly. and i will do my part.
and i will rely upon my savior. my greatest, deepest, most far reaching desire for my mission is to come to know my Savior, Jesus Christ better. As I was on my knees the other night crying, I realized that THAT'S what this is all about. it was clear as day (even though it was night. ha). so as i knelt, literally wetting my pillow as nefi said, i prayed that my Savior could help me. i prayed that through his atonement i could move forward and be strong and not be selfish and not refer to la mesa as "my area" anymore and just let go and get to work. and i felt His love. I felt His peace. I felt Him. I know He's there. I know He's aware of us. I know He loves us. I love my Savior. I am so grateful for all that He's done for me, and for all that He does for me day to day. I'm so thankful for my Father in Heaven who sacrificed His Only Begotten so we could all be saved. We are hopeless without Him. And I feel as if, almost overnight, this burden of mine has been lifted. I KNOW it's true--"ask and ye shall receive, knock and it shall be opened unto you"--because I asked! i knocked! and i received! And now it's time to get to work.
I loved bro's email last week. talking about organization. sister ortez and i were so disorganized in our apartment because the two sisters had zero warning that they would both be leaving and then my stuff was scattered EVERYWHERE and there was just everyone's stuff everywhere. haha. and i/we felt that it was true what he said--we cannot receive revelation and be open to promptings if we're unorganized. we had to take some time and get situated and get all clean and ready to put our hands to the plow. so thanks for that, bro. i was thinkin of you the whole time.
the other day here at the battalion i had a really interesting conversation with a lady who's gotten into buddism. she told me she'd researched tons of different religions and even read and prayed about the bom but never got an answer. she feels that where she is now is correct. wow. what do you say to that? but as i stood there looking down into the gold panning sluice i felt prompted to ask her that question of the alma in pmg ch 8--what's the purpose of life? she laughed and said she still didn't know but that she'd get back to me. i looked at her and said, "what if i told you that i knew what it was?" and she said, "i'd think you were selfish for not sharing it with me." that hit me like a train. guys. we HAVE IT. we have ALL THE ANSWERS. we have them. ALL! we have ALL OF THEM! and how selfish we are when we don't share them! this week i want you all think about unselfishly, boldly sharing what we have. we've got it all. so let's just throw down the truth. okay?
and i wanted to follow up on the whole elder ballard commitment i extended you guys.. about praying for opportunities to share the gospel. prayerfully seeking them. how is it going? i know it's possible.. even in utah!
well, that's about all i've got for you. except a big old bearhug. i want you all to know that i've felt your prayers this week. stronger than ever. thanks for being with me.
i love you all dearly. keep me knowing how i can serve you all. praying for you on the daily!
ps--oh our investigator, hna roman, in la mesa, is getting baptized on saturday. :) salvation coming right up!